Heartwrenching
I doubt there are even any people visiting this blog. I wonder if anybody can see, this writer is already trying his best, pushing himself to the limit, just to strive for the goal, etched in his mind deeply, but is actually bearing the sarcastic and harsh remarks from people, including his family. Even the writer's mother called him useless, what's there to say? Even my family doesn't support me, how can i muster the courage and determination to carry on my will?
Apparently, my N-levels are are getting dangerously closer and closer. I am doing my best to study, even if some of my friends don't believe it. However, my family is breaking down. I am getting numerous of mental blows every moment. But, i chose to ignore all this. Although i had managed to ignore all this, i couldn't ignore the harsh words that my mother said to me. People may say that those are words of encouragement actually, but, deep down in my heart, the truth is blatant, she completely looks down on me.
Many people would just tell me, "Shaun, she said this to spite you. She knows you will do her proud.". Nonsense! Every time she comes back from work, she always vented her anger on me for her unhappiness at work. I tolerated all that. Never would i know, one day, she would actually think that ingrate, good-for-nothing unfilial sister of mine is more important than me? Of course, i couldn't take this lying down. I tried to explain to her about my studies and examination importance and she said, "Don't use your studies as an excuse. You can even leave this house if you want to.".
How deeply hurt was i? How disappointed was i? How agitated was i? Unmeasurable. I didn't leave the house, because of the one vow i made to my grandmother before her death. My grandmother last wishes was to see my family reunited and witnessing me growing up to be a fine man. Since Heaven was being so unfair to her, i vowed to fulfill her wishes.
Am i that useless? I can't even save my family. Maybe, i shouldn't even exist. Probably, i am even the cause of all problems. Yeah, i should be...
Apparently, my N-levels are are getting dangerously closer and closer. I am doing my best to study, even if some of my friends don't believe it. However, my family is breaking down. I am getting numerous of mental blows every moment. But, i chose to ignore all this. Although i had managed to ignore all this, i couldn't ignore the harsh words that my mother said to me. People may say that those are words of encouragement actually, but, deep down in my heart, the truth is blatant, she completely looks down on me.
Many people would just tell me, "Shaun, she said this to spite you. She knows you will do her proud.". Nonsense! Every time she comes back from work, she always vented her anger on me for her unhappiness at work. I tolerated all that. Never would i know, one day, she would actually think that ingrate, good-for-nothing unfilial sister of mine is more important than me? Of course, i couldn't take this lying down. I tried to explain to her about my studies and examination importance and she said, "Don't use your studies as an excuse. You can even leave this house if you want to.".
How deeply hurt was i? How disappointed was i? How agitated was i? Unmeasurable. I didn't leave the house, because of the one vow i made to my grandmother before her death. My grandmother last wishes was to see my family reunited and witnessing me growing up to be a fine man. Since Heaven was being so unfair to her, i vowed to fulfill her wishes.
Am i that useless? I can't even save my family. Maybe, i shouldn't even exist. Probably, i am even the cause of all problems. Yeah, i should be...
posted by sensational_love_in_the_air at
5:37 AM
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